Messing Up and Moving On

Today I felt like the biggest fail whale ever.  

As much as I want to say mistakes happen, I have a very hard time processing disappointment (This is in reference to my mistakes by the way, not other people’s).  I easily forgive and forget, but when it comes to myself, I am my harshest critic.

This morning, I was supposed to board a plane with my new boss, Barry Libert.  We were scheduled to meet at 5:10 at Hascom Airfield, and I completely overslept.  When I looked at my watch this morning, the time read 5:15.  I immediately scrambled for my phone, which I saw was flipped open next to my pillow.  My eyes darted to the alarm clock resting on my nightstand, and my heart dropped when I saw it set to the snooze position.

Somehow, my body had failed me.

I managed to sleep through two alarms and even dismissed the text messages that my friend in Las Vegas was sending me as a wake up call.  Frantic, I dialed Barry’s number and delivered the news that I wasn’t going to make it.  I couldn’t tell whether he was angry or not, but his voice was steady and his instructions firm.  ”Be at the office by 7:30.”

The majority of the morning was spent processing what had happened and worrying about the consequences of my behavior.  What if the limo didn’t show in Philadelphia?  What if the papers I was delivering were important?  What if this project or presentation was something that would affect other initiatives in the future?  I had a million and one questions, but one weighty feeling – disappointment.

It is rare that I don’t deliver and when that happens, I think about it for days, maybe even weeks.  It’s one thing if you forget a friend’s birthday, but in an environment like the one I’m working in, I feel like the magnitude of a slip-up is amplified to the max.  Multiple parties are involved, money is at stake, reputations, etc.  It’s really just not something you want to be associated with and the realization that you are the person culpable is daunting.

As for timing, this was a disaster for my second day.  Instead of starting off on the right foot, I feel like I took a step backwards and tripped over my own shoelaces in the process.

Anyway, I was sitting here in my little cubicle reading supportive DMs from friends and talking to Matt Knell, who is an amazing human being.  We were having this conversation about the work we do, who we are as people, and what matters in life (not bad for a 9 AM cup of coffee chat).  Amongst other words of wisdom, he told me  ”If you can’t change it, don’t worry about it.  If you do the best you can, you’ve done all you can do.”  This “let it go girl” pep talk put my mind at ease and kept me composed the rest of the day.

I look at Matt’s random act of kindness, something as simple as taking the time to talk to a friend, and realized that tiny gestures can make all the difference.

I’ve spent the rest of my day trying to do some little things to make up for this morning’s debacle and plan on bringing my A-game from here on out.  Hopefully I’ll rack up enough + points over time to redeem myself, but for now, I’m keeping a positive attitude and looking forward to a fresh start tomorrow**.

(**Sidtenote: Watch the video directly on youtube to see the cool new annotations feature in action.)

“It’s going to be okay. Tomorrow = New day!”  (The message I wrote to myself on my dry-erase board.)